Out of Avalon

March 26th, 2009 by Ascelyn

The boss has been told.  I suppose that leads the way to telling our friends at work next week.

I’m wondering if I should start letting a few people know at the collegium Saturday?  Really, though, it seems like I don’t have too many close friends in the barony anymore other than the Vortex of Evil people.  I mean, yes, I have friends, but it always seems awkward telling people something like this.  I don’t know why.  It shouldn’t, right?  But I almost feel like I’m bragging, in a way, or telling them something personal that they really might not care about.  Hey, uh, so I’ve got this parasitic creature containing a random half of my DNA sucking the nutrients from my blood stream through a sophisticated, temporary organ.

Sending a message to the list would make sense, but I have the same qualms about it.  Then again, it hits everyone at once, so there’s no complaining that so-and-so heard first.  Plus, for the couple of people who are going through the same crap I did before we discovered that I could even have kids, I figure it will be easier if there’s an escape route after being told.  It always was for me, anyway.  Time to digest in private, and even while you celebrate a friend’s joy, to mourn the lack of your own.

I think I think too much.  Much easier when everyone’s in one place, they have kids, and you can just sort of work it into the conversation.

I’m also worried and a bit irritated about the collegium.  I really wish I hadn’t been talked into teaching.  What if I sound like a fool?  What if it rains and we can’t go outside and play?  What if only one person signs up for stool ball and we don’t have enough people to play?  What if I’m tired and hungry and not fully functional?

On a more selfish note, I suppose, I wish I could spend a quiet weekend at home with my husband instead of running around constantly.  I keep telling myself that I will soon, just in a few more weeks, but our number of weeks left alone together is finite at this point.

Also, my once-lovely blue dress looks stupid on me now.  I used to love it.  Even when I thought I looked chubby in jeans and a t-shirt, my cotehardie looked good.  Or at least, I thought so, and I don’t really care what everyone else thinks.  However, that was when I had a waist.  I don’t anymore.  The buttons are straining in front, and I don’t have a waist.  While I’ve got no problem with growing an incubator pod on the front of my abdomen, I really, really miss having a seperation between my hips and my rib cage.

Maybe that’s being petty and whiny, but once upon a time I felt pretty when I went to events.  Now I just feel stupid.  I can hear people laughing in their minds, and I don’t like it.  It makes me not want to go to events until I sew a new dress and grow more baby than belly.

On the other hand, I’ve been refraining from snacking all day and gorging myself on cupcakes and ice cream, and I plan to pick up some apples and healthier munchies to get me through the afternoon while I’m in town tonight.  And breakfast food.  I really shouldn’t eat reheated cheesy bread for breakfast again tomorrow.

March 25th, 2009 by Ascelyn

The word is spreading.  While Sam and Charlotte were the first to find out, their male counterparts quickly followed.  I emailed Violante and Miguel on Monday, figuring that there was a 50/50 chance they’d already heard.  Then, perhaps a bit out of order, it was on to family.

My parents are psyched, though I think my mom was a bit put off that we “kept it a secret from her” for so long.  She didn’t, and never would, say anything, but I could tell from the way she was talking.  We tried calling Jason’s family, but they never returned our message–just like they hadn’t returned his messages trying to wish his father a happy birthday over the weekend.  Last night, he finally called his mother on her cell phone and got to talk to her for an hour or so.  There has been no recrimination as of yet.  I’m still waiting.

My mom has undoubtedly told my grandfather by now, and while Jason’s mom has probably called his grandparents and let word spread to the aunts, uncles, and rest of the planet, I’m nudging him toward calling his yia-yia tonight.  It would be a nice gesture, and she’s always fun to talk to.  We’ll see her in a few weeks for Greek Easter anyway.

—

Today’s been slow, so I’ve been looking around online to get some “stuff” ideas.  Babies seem to come with a lot of stuff, and while I’m not one of those “only the best” sort of people, I do want to get the best I can for my money.  There are also a few things that might seem petty, but that make a difference to me.  For example, I’d really like a wooden high chair.  Our kitchen is fairly tiny and doesn’t really have room for a big plastic contraption, and since the living room and kitchen are one open area and the main entrance to the house, I’d like something that looks decent.  The house is log, inside and out, and the kitchen has a wood floor.  Giant plastic chairs of doom just look crappy when everything else is nice and natural.  Maybe I’ll cave a few months into mom-ness and regret the choice, but for now, a wooden high chair is something I’d really like.

In sort of an opposite way, while I love the color brown, the sheer glut of brown baby bedding that’s currently available just won’t work.  Brown curtains and brown sheets and brown everything else that’s fabric…in a nursery with wooden walls?  No thank you.  A little color would be nice, please.

In case I haven’t mentioned it before, we’re going with green and an animal or jungle theme for a boy or yellow with butterflies for a girl.  No sports, no pink ruffles, or I might have to puke on you.  Which wouldn’t be that hard to accomplish.

Also, how lame and hippy am I for hoping to forgo the huge quantities of plastic, battery-operated toys that invade the house from Day 1?  Sure, a few here and there are fine, but do kids really need multiple Pack & Plays overflowing with beeping toys demanding in English and Spanish that I come play with them?  It’s creepy.  I will, for once in my life, say that I survived just fine playing with battery-free toys as a kid and don’t anticipate a member of the next generation withering away for lack of them.

On the same note, I really need a way to talk Jason’s yia-yia into not giving us Baby Einstein videos.  She explained to me in great detail on our last trip down there how wonderful they were and how necessary for proper development “these days.”  If she gives us any, I know she’ll ask every time she calls if the baby likes them or not, and there’s no nice way to explain that I don’t really want the kid watching hours of television (taped or otherwise) from the moment he’s born.  She’s still upset that we don’t have cable to watch the Ravens games, because listening to it on the radio “just isn’t the same.”

I’m okay with explaining to my family, who already thinks I’m a hippy tree-hugger (their words), that I want to do things a little differently than they might anticipate.  They expect me to be a bit cantankerous, and who am I to mess with them and be normal all of a sudden?  My in-laws are a different story, and I’m willing to try very hard not to mess with an already shaky relationship.

Not that there’s anything wrong with batteries, or with TV in moderation.  Both are great and incredibly useful.  But moderation’s the key, right?

I’m totally a clueless first-time mom-to-be.  Feel free to laugh at my foolish little dreams now if you want.

—

Shortly, I’m going to start needing clothes.  I’ve taken to wearing overly long tank tops under my regular shirts to hide the gap between the shirt and pants.  I can’t wear half of my work shirts or most of my t-shirts anymore; they’re too tight and ride up on my belly.  The pants are the opposite.  I only have two pair that fit, and both slide down below my belly.  I can’t wear belts with them because they dig into me and hurt when I sit or bend, regardless of how loose they’re buckled.  I’d kill for a BellaBand, but they’re so expensive that I don’t want to pay all that money plus shipping for something I might not even like.  Supposedly several of the department stores around here carry them, but the local stores don’t have a single one.  Nor does Wal-Mart.  Yes, I was so desperate that I ventured into Wal-Mart’s maternity section on a Friday evening.

Pants should be okay for a while if I have something to help hold them where they need to be, but I’ll need new shirts as it warms up.  I figure that if I need to buy new shirts, I might as well get ones that will last a while.

—

Time for me to run away.  Some crazy chemical vapor concoction is invading the hallway and making me sick and dizzy.  Stupid job.  Some days I wonder why I don’t just quit.

Oh, right.  Baby stuff, and maternity clothes, and….

March 25th, 2009 by Ascelyn

I ought to write about Jamestown and MTA, my first event getting to observe La Belle in action.  To be honest, though, the first three things that pop into my head are as follows:

1. Breakfast at IHOP, where certain people cornered me and tortured me with crepes until I confessed all I knew.  It was horrible, really.
2. Pepperoni and sausage pizza that reminded me of Valentino’s, now sadly out of business, and which I’ve now been craving for the last three days.
3. Sausage.  Mmm, sausage.  I typically don’t really like the stuff, but these were fabulous.

I’m thinking, though, that I really need to say something more than that I’m a gluttonous hog and would likely have weighed three hundred pounds if I’d stayed longer than the weekend.

Skipping over how much fun it was to see friends, how cute the boys were, et cetera, I’ll move on to La Belle itself.  I have to admit that I’m getting slightly nervous.  Listening to the people who were in camp talking to visitors, I have wonder if I can ever be that…smooth?  Is that the right word?  You see my problem, then.  I’m afraid I’ll start stuttering and forget what I mean to say.  Or I’ll know what I want to say, and I can’t think of the word.  They did have stupid people in the fourteenth century, right?

I’m hoping to participate in the next event, MTT, a mere four weeks from now.  In four weeks time I need to make a full set of clothing, including stockings and something to put on my head, and I don’t know how I’m going to do it.  For one thing, my sewing machine’s ten different kinds of screwed up.  For another, while I have very clear and illustrated directions, I’m afraid I’ll mess things up.  After all, I had very clear and illustrated directions for those stockings I was trying to make last year, didn’t I?  And now that I can’t form a coherent thought, things are not looking up in the sewing department.  Considering that I’m also going to need a new gown, one that laces instead of buttons, for any SCA event after this weekend’s collegium, I really need to kick my butt into gear.

To make things even more frightening, J’s talking about inviting his extended family to come heckle me at MTT.  I love his Baltimore family, and it would be great to show them what I do on the weekends (no, it’s not a RenFair!), but my first event dressed out?  Please, pretty please, don’t get me in trouble.

Oh, and I also need little things like an approved name and background.  Hopefully I can get that figured out by the meeting next weekend, and maybe I’ll even be able to get some sewing help.  At times, I’m really starting to wish I could just pay someone to do this for me.  I want to do everything myself, but I think my brain’s going to start bleeding if I think about some of this much longer.

I could really use some of that sausage right about now.  With an apple, too, please.  No wonder I’m outgrowing my blue cotehardie.

March 24th, 2009 by Ascelyn

I really, really want to eat lasagna right now.  Also, soup, and mac & cheese, and hot chocolate with whipped cream on top.  But mostly lasagna.

The good thing is that when I do get around to making this tasty, tasty food, I’ll now be able to make two or three of them.  One will get cooked, while the others will be frozen and made ready to bake at a later point when I simply NEED lasagna.  Like, right now.  Srsly.

For Christmas, my parents got Jason and I a freezer, and I adore it.  It’s a 14.8 cu. ft. Whirlpool chest freezer with these awesome sliding baskets that let me keep things organized and at a level that my short self can actually reach.  Big things like whole turkeys and perhaps stacked lasagnas go on the very bottom, and so far I’ve divided the four baskets in fruits and veggies, meats, snacks, and everything else (gumbo, chicken broth, that pesky salesman…).

I was initially very against getting a chest freezer, part because I can’t reach the bottom of any of them, part because I could only find one with an automatic defrost.  The Whirlpool has a nice little drainage doohickey at the bottom that accomodates at long piece of aquarium tubing to whisk water right to the drain two feet away in our laundry room floor.  Jason’s promised to do all the defrosting, forever and ever amen, but we’ll see how that goes.  I’m glad to know I’ll be able to do it myself.

It also has an alarm if the door is left cracked and a nifty lock and key to keep any evil minions from falling in and getting trapped.  Or, you know, from stealing all my ice cream before they’re tall enough to reach the key.

It’s Energy Star rated, and all of our research leading up to the great buy indicated that it was very energy-efficient.  Which is, you know, good and stuff.

All in all, I’m really excited to get cooking and stash stuff away.  First on my list is pizza dough and waffles, followed by casseroles and lasagna and anything else that I think will be good to have on hand.  Like maybe burritos.  Mmm, burritos.

I seriously need to kick the man’s butt into gear and go eat something.  Time for more annoying phone calls, I think.

March 23rd, 2009 by Ascelyn

I was all ready to come in and write a happy, glowing entry, but it’s not going to happen.

You see, I am happy.  Ecstatically.  Today marks the official start of the twelfth week of this pregnancy, and everything seems to be great.  My doctor’s appointment Friday afternoon went well, and I learned that the office gives you a choice of rescheduling your appointment or calling in a nurse practitioner to see you if something comes up and you can’t see Dr. W.  In this particular instance, he had just started a C-section and I would’ve had to wait for an hour or two to see him if one of the two possibilities above didn’t suit me.  Considering that my parents are both nurses, I have no problem with being seen by a nurse.

I asked and had answered several questions, and she was very helpful.  More importantly, she waved her magic wand of Dopplerness over me and found the baby’s heartbeat, which she said sounded good.  That puts at least one giant fear to rest.

Speaking of rest, I need some.  MTA wiped me out, and I didn’t get home until 11:30 last night, at which point I had to partially unpack before hitting the sack.  If I can track down my supervisor before lunch, I’m going to request the rest of the afternoon off.  I pretty much feel like crap–tired, headachey, sick to my stomach, and with a cold to boot.  Chances are very good that I wouldn’t accomplish anything this afternoon anyway.

So much for going out to a nice dinner once we hit the twelve week mark.  I was hoping we’d be able to tell our families today and get it over with, but that’s not going to happen unless sleep works some serious wonders on me by this evening.

March 19th, 2009 by Ascelyn

Why is it only 9:30?  Shouldn’t it be lunch time by now?

I made rice krispy treats last night, the extra-awesome kind with peanut butter mixed in and chocolate/butterscotch goo on top.  They’re getting some sweet compliments at work.  Hopefully the kids will tolerate the second batch tonight; some didn’t like them much when I made them a few years ago, but we have a mostly new group now.  Lesson learned:  double batches of rice krispies are really hard to stir.  Other lesson learned:  I should not be allowed to attack a block of refridgerated treats with a butcher knife early in the morning.

I also washed my brown wool flannel, and when I pulled it out to dry this morning it seemed slightly fulled.  I’m curious to see what the drier will accomplish today.  The lightweight white linen washed nicely and looks much better now.

We also watched episodes two and three of Dollhouse.  Yes, it was a gorgeous day out, and after only slight hesitation we barricaded ourselves in a dark basement to watch TV.  I’m starting to get interested, but it still doesn’t even come close to Firefly.  Then again, what could?

As a side note, I snipped another bunch of basil for D today, and there was a box of fresh eggs on my desk when I got here.  Makes me want to bake tomorrow.  I considered making chocolate cherry cookies for the La Belle trip, but those are a pain in the neck and I don’t think I’ll have time.  Oh well–more for me.

March 13th, 2009 by Ascelyn

I brought in a big container of fresh-cut herbs someone at work this morning, but apparently she isn’t going to be here today.  Another coworker ended up taking them off my hands instead and wants start trading me herbs (basil, especially) for fresh eggs.  Considering how fast my stupid basil is growing, I was more than happy to give it to him just to get it out of the house.

Hooray for trading!  I’m excited to have eggs, and he’s excited to have fresh basil when his own garden is dormant.  This is a great start to a Friday!

March 11th, 2009 by Ascelyn

The tiredness and nausea and minor crampiness that I thought I’d avoided this time?  Is here.  And this time, unlike the others, doesn’t seem to be a matter of one or two days.  It’s been all of this week and last.  I think it’s here to stay for a while.

Maybe my hormone levels with the twins were so much higher that it kicked everything into gear at 4 weeks instead of 9 or 10?

Also, I’m an emotional wreck.  I don’t remember this from last time, but maybe that’s because I spent so much of those last few weeks scared and depressed.  Instead, I just feel like crying for stupid reasons all the freaking time.  I’m such a total loser.

It might sound dumb and like I’m trying to make excuses, but I look forward to when I can let our news out to the world and at least seem to have a semi-valid reason for acting like a lazy, hormonal fool all the time.

March 11th, 2009 by Ascelyn

I feel like I ought to say something about the last two events I’ve attended, but I don’t really have much to say.

For Feast & Foolishness, I worked in the kitchen.  Much tasty food was made, many dishes were washed, and people seemed to be geniunely pleased.  I even had my picture taken by a reporter while cooking noodles for makerouns and generally looking like an idiot.  The stove and large pots were made for someone a few inches taller than little ol’ me.

In general, the event seemed to go well.  Three of our western reaches newcomers attended and seemed to have a good time, so that rocks.  My level of energy steadily decreased throughout the day until I utterly crashed at the end and made a bit of a fool of myself, but I won’t get into that here.  I feel pretty lame for not helping more and needing to ask questions twice at times, but I’m also pretty certain I’d have done better under slightly different circumstances.

Plus, some of my AeroGarden herbs got used for making a salad dressing.  Yay!

For a completely random comment, I smelled like onions for two days after helping make onion soup.  Very strange.

Kingdom Arts & Sciences is kind of a blur.  The day before, I intended to go.  The night before, I called it off due to a migraine (stupid smokers who insist on coming over to sit right next to me as I eat!) and lack of sleep (sister-in-law and fiance who didn’t leave until after midnight).  The morning of, I decided to go after all, albeit a bit late.  I arrived on site around 11:00, then spent the rest of the day sitting in the back of the booth in a complete daze.  I think I met some very interesting and kind people, but I probably looked like an idiot.  I don’t really remember much.  Oh well.

Thanks to my awesome friends for putting up with my oddness, and especially to Eadric for providing me chocolate and lamb stew.  You people rock.

Off to help fix a leaky airline, then maybe to eat tasty, tasty food and sleep.  Mmm, sleep.